Fasting

Sick of living off mainly unhealthy food while studying, and without getting any exercise done due to time constraints, I decided to more or less abstain from food. It’s surprisingly easy. I just stay in bed most of the time, reading and taking notes, and have a few cups of coffee throughout the day. I usually have a couple of pieces of fruit as well. Then at night I have dinner before I go to bed. Simple, really.

Furthermore, “fasting” seems to make my mind more alert, for some reason. I can see everything more clearly now… And it’s so easy to buy healthy food. I went to buy some groceries today, stopping by the supermarket first, and I didn’t even feel tempted to buy any lollies/chocolate/chips; only picked up what I was after, went to the fruit and vege market and bought loads of apples, bananas, pears, carrots and other stuff to munch on.

Also, I didn’t get much sleep last night. Strangely I don’t feel or look tired today, but I think it’s affecting me in other ways, because I’m really pissed off with my flatmates who kept me awake for most of the night by having showers at 2am, slamming the doors, as well as having people come and go at the most incredible times (basically all night long), whom they then proceeded to have loud conversations with outside my room. Thanks, guys. Do it again and I’ll kill you. That’s roughly 4 hours of sleep in total for me over the past 48 hours. No wonder I’m feeling just a little tense.

Other than that, I’m more than ready to farewell October and welcome November, and with it, summer and four months of holidays, and all the time in the world to do all the things I want to get done in the near future. (Ooo, I just had an idea. I’ll write a list of what I’m planning on achieving over the summer holidays, and post it here.) Only three more days of studying ‘till I’m freeee! And no longer a first year university student!

Wait, what?

We’re celebrating Halloween tonight? Oh, well, I suppose my invitation to at least one of the hundreds of parties happening in Wellington right now just got lost in the mail… or cyberspace… or space…

No, who am I kidding? Since when have I ever been the one who gets invited to parties? Trust me, I got used to being left out a long time ago. (My near inability to make new friends is also to blame.) Besides, I’ve satisfied my brief want of society for today. I’m not the kind of person who goes to parties – I’m the kind of person who goes to the supermarket at 11pm to buy coffee – and that’s enough interaction with other people for me.

I get the weirdest urges when a stranger talks to me or looks at me when I’m in town. If they talk to me, depending on what they say, I usually ignore them or give them a vague smile or, if they ask me something, I shrug my shoulders and keep on walking. If they merely stare at me, I get a mad desire to punch them – especially if they give me one of those sleazy looks. I thought cynical me had been banished from my life, but apparently that part of me is alive and well and speaking and acting on my behalf whenever I’m around people I don’t know. It’s kind of frustrating how my claim that I’m a ‘recovering’ cynic seems to be a lie – I’m just a cynic. My recovery isn’t making any progress.

Also, I was (un)fortunate enough to walk past Public (my favourite pub on Courtenay Place) just as the rugby match between the All Blacks and the Wallabies was in its final minutes, so I stopped to watch the rest of it. The score was NZ 24 – AUS 19, and the Wallabies were pushing for a try, hovering very close to the dangerous line. The All Blacks kept holding them back – they entered injury time – and then, past fulltime, the Wallabies managed to break through NZ’s defense and score a final try, making the score 24-24; and with the successful conversion made afterwards, the final score was NZ 24 – AUS 26. Gutted. Here’s a report of the match.

I  can hear fireworks again. For real. I’m amazed, there’s nothing to celebrate tonight, is there?

Not amused

Really, I’m considering going back to Facebook. Not because I miss it or feel like I need to catch up with everyone. No, I need to find a way to temporarily stem this flow of creativity.

At the moment I come up with at least one original concept for a film every single day, each completely different from the other and with a complete story outline. Don’t get me wrong, I’m absolutely thrilled to know that I can be this creative, but it has revealed itself to me at such a bad time! I’m desperately trying to read a couple of hundred pages of philosophy every day, and I CAN’T GET THE STORIES OUT OF MY HEAD. It’s infuriating. If only I could keep it all bottled up somehow for another 4 days, and then release it, I would be stuck by the computer writing steadily for a couple of months.

At the moment I’m reading “Imagination and the Aesthetic Appreciation of Nature” by Emily Brady, and I’ve just read 5 lines in a paragraph on the third page about 60 times while in my mind I’ve been developing the latest story that appeared out of nowhere. It became so distracting that I had to pull out a notebook and quickly write something down, because it was the only outlet I could think of. Two words: Bad idea. Now I really can’t stop thinking about it, even after I filled two pages in the notebook in the equal number of minutes.

I’m desperately trying to focus on reading about how and why we should (or should we?) aesthetically appreciate nature – and I do find it interesting, really – but my mind is like an explotion of ideas at the moment, and no matter how hard I try to rein it in, it’s not working. Knuckling my forehead doesn’t help. Music doesn’t help. Writing notes doesn’t help. Telling my brain to focus certainly doesn’t help. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!?

I do apologise for this seemingly desperate and slightly (OK, more than slightly) hysterical post, but I’m at a complete loss as to what to do. I cannot stress enough how important it is for me to study for this exam, and I’m quickly running out of time.

At least I know now that as long as I stay off Facebook, I’ll have no trouble making a living as a writer of some kind. The stories are coming at me at such an overwhelming rate it feels like I’m drowning in a world that isn’t even mine. I need a quiet place where it’s just me and something to write on/with, and I’ll produce anything you like. MY GOD, my head is about to explode.

Help.

Insomnia

Now I know what reading philosophy for 14 hours a day does to me. It prevents me from going to sleep.

By the time I finished the last reading yesterday I was ready to fall asleep. But no – instead, after I’d tucked myself in, I decided my brain needed something light to snack on to shut it down a bit. So I pulled out a Harry Potter book and began reading. I usually fall asleep after a couple of pages, but not last night. It was almost 2am when I started reading, and when I’d read one very long chapter it was nearly 3am, and I’d been nodding off quite a bit, so I figured all I had to do was turn my light off, roll over and sleep would come. Alas, no such thing occurred. I lay there for ages, turning over and over, mind spinning, eyes tired, body restless. In the end (what must have been after 5am) I just gave up and lay there, motionless, thinking about everything and nothing.

I must have dozed off at some point, but I’m well aware of how uneasy that ‘sleep’ was, and the next time I checked the time it was 8am, and my empathic flatmates were laughing, talking and playing music right outside my room. No point in trying to get some sleep then, in other words. I got up before 10am, feeling more like a zombie than I’ve ever done before an exam or an important essay is due, because on those occasions at least I tend to get a good 4 hours’ sleep.

If I were to look on the bright side of this, I’d say that it proves how alert my mind has become due to recent efforts to stir things up in the upper story. Now to try to find the median point, so that my brain actually takes a nightly break. Yeah, that’d be nice.

Carlson, Brady, Lessing, Stalnaker, Armstrong, Mill, Feinberg, Montague, Neill, Carroll, Hume…

In case Mill didn’t give it away; these are some of the philosophers whose ramblings I’m reading at the moment.

You might detect a slight resentment in that sentence. Allow me to say that you are correct if you think you do.

I wonder how I’m going to feel when I wake up tomorrow morning. Considering I only read one philosophical essay yesterday (John Stuart Mill’s “Of the Liberty of Thought and Discussion”), I was surprised to discover this morning the instant I tried to sit up in bed that I felt like I’d been poisoned or exposed to some other evil; the world was spinning faster than it has ever done while I’ve been under the influence of alcohol, and when I finally managed to stand up I crashed into every bit of furniture in my room in my attempt to get to the bathroom. (And of course I will attribute this weird physical state to having read philosophy.) As I stumblingly found my way back to bed, I was determined not to let the swaying sensation keep me from studying harder than ever before for my philosophy exam (which is next Wednesday), so I fell back into bed, pulled the covers up to my chin, picked up the course reader and continued reading (Edward Herman and Noam Chomsky’s “A Propaganda Model” this time – it’s not even a proper philosophical essay, just a bunch of numbers). My attempt was stymied, however, by a sudden attack of drowsiness – so I dozed off for a couple of hours, and when I finally woke with a jolt it was past midday. Sigh.

Anyway, the instant I awoke I continued my perusal, and I just kept reading and reading and reading throughout the day. I didn’t even stop for the customary meal breaks, meaning I read all day without a single bite of food – unless you count three cups of coffee with a ton of sugar as a nutritional substitute. I didn’t take a break until 7.30pm, when I went to the local fish ‘n chips shop and bought a hot-dog and some chips to take home. (Unfortunately it takes just long enough for the food to be prepared for me to walk down the road to the liquor store and buy a bottle of wine and walk back up to the fish ‘n chips shop in time to pick up the yumminess.) So I got home, and read another essay on freedom of speech and the free press. Damnit, I actually decided today (I swear it was peer pressure – those bloody philosophers) that I’m going to spend a couple of years as a journalist. I suppose that’s what I’ll do to pay back my student loan once I’m back in Norway after I’ve been deported…

Guess what, I’ve decided to join Victoria’s student magazine, Salient. It totally kicks ass, and I feel way more confident writing in English for a larger audience now (I mean, I got an A+ on an English essay this year – not to sing my own praises or anything) than I did at the start of the year. That’s going to help me get a job at a newspaper or magazine at some later point in life, I suppose. Plus, I love to write, so why not?

But I digress. Back to philosophy readings. My brain has turned to custard. Information overload. On several occasions today I found myself laughing at something the philosopher wrote (Feinberg is exceptionally funny), and now I’m worried about my sanity. Is the philosopher actually funny, or am I completely missing the point? Also, what I fear now is how I’m going to feel tomorrow morning, considering the amount of philosophical texts I’ve read over the past two days increased by 400% in a single day. If reading one essay makes me feel like I’ve been on a sea voyage for the last four months and only reached land yesterday, I’m scared to think what effect reading so many more essays today will have on me tomorrow…

But even all this mad studying has its silver linings. It allows me to crawl into my own world of solitude without feeling asocial. Yesterday I did what I said I’d do a couple of days ago; I packed up my philosophy course book and my notes, and went to the Wellington Botanic Gardens, where I have found ‘my’ spot, which is rarely disturbed by other people, plus it’s relatively sheltered from the wind but gets all-day sun. So I went there and lay in the sun for a couple of hours while going over my notes. Sa-weet as. Turns out tanning and studying aren’t as mutually exclusive as previously thought.

All the thinking has also stirred my brain from its slumber, and last night, while I was trying to go to sleep, I had the most important epiphany of my life. I suddenly had a pre-conceived idea for a short film in my head, and I knew straight away that that’s going to be my debut. It just clicked instantly – it is my film, my idea, which no one else has come up with, and which no one else is likely to copy, in fact. I’m so looking forward to the time after my exam next week, when I can finally sit down and write it out, and even create a storyboard; I know exactly how it’s going to look. What’s so brilliant about it is that it’s so simple; I can probably make it without any funding whatsoever, which means that it’s the best kind of short film to be making as my first. I’m so excited!

PS. Facebook, consider yourself no longer part of my life. This separation is good for us.

Victory!

 

It’s almost all I can say!

My brain is so befuddled with joy at the moment, I’m finding it exceedingly hard to express myself. THE HOBBIT WILL BE MADE IN NEW ZEALAND!!!

Of course, this is as it was always meant to be, but still! Lately I’ve had to deal with essays, exams, job applications, CV’s, illness, limited entry course applications and so on, and to top it off, the whole Hobbit ordeal, jeopardising the entire future of the NZ film industry which I’m hoping to one day be a part of. NOT COOL.

Then this.

Whoa, the relief is like a physical weight taken off my shoulders, leaving me with a sense of great exhaustion now that I realise how heavily it actually weighed me down. I’m so happy my head is spinning. I’ll blame this on fatigue, but I actually shed a few tears when I logged on to Twitter and my brain recorded the words ‘HOBBIT’ and ‘NZ’ in the same sentence along with a whole lot of exclamation marks, and I understood that it was carrying a positive message. Although I am tired beyond words right now, I wish I could go out into the streets of Wellington and drink and dance and sing all night long. I’m sure there will be plenty of other people celebrating tonight, but alas, I will have to postpone my celebration.

After a long and bumpy road to gain the green light, the Hobbit production is finally on its way. With Sir Peter Jackson as director, shooting will begin in February next year, right here in Middle-Earth.

Everything is as it should be…

Studying = Student dying

Yesterday I overdosed on coffee. Before you say ‘wait, is that even possible?’ I will assure you that it is. There’s this cool website that tells you everything you need to know about caffeine. Within the space of 4 hours, on an empty stomach, I consumed 5 or 6 cups of (very strong) coffee, and for 4 hours afterwards it felt like my head was hovering somewhere around Jupiter and I felt confident my bodily fluids were at least 95% caffeine and I couldn’t control my hands. Not to mention I felt sick and dizzy, and basically stumbled around the flat every time I had to get out of bed (where I was studying). It was awful. But necessary. You see, I stayed up quite  late on Monday night to finish my essay (I didn’t have to pull an all-nighter though; I was in bed by 3am), and then I had to get up early because the essay was due in before 10am, and I had to go to the library to print it out first. After that was done, I spent the rest of the day studying for my Media Studies exam, which I sat this morning (another early start; 9.30am). I struggled to keep my eyes open while studying for it, and when you’re extremely tired, haven’t had anything to eat and really like coffee, it’s rather easy to overdo it.
In the end I think I got a good 14 hours of studying done, which really helped. But what I was most impressed with is that I managed to stay off the computer basically all day, only starting it up after 9pm to do some PDF readings, and not spending any time on Twitter. Amazing! It proves that it’s doable.
I didn’t have a very good sleep last night, what with all the media terms racing through my head as well as a million other things. This morning before I went to sit my exam I had one (double shot) cup of coffee and a can of V and now, a mere 4 hours later, I’m already experiencing withdrawal symptoms because my caffeine consumption today is nowhere near as high as it was yesterday. I might try to go outside to escape the lure of the espresso machine; besides, it’s sunny and warm in the capital today, and a smell of summer is in the air (I mean that quite literally; I think it smells like the South Island in summer). It’s tempting to pack my Philosophy coursebook and just head over to the Botanic Gardens for a good afternoon nap…

The Battle for Middle-Earth

…is soon coming to a town near you.

I always get my priorities right. Really, what would you do: Stay at home and polish an essay that’s due in the next day, or spend 3 hours outside, surrounded by like-minded people, supporting a cause that means the world to you? OK, so maybe that was a little biased, but hey, I have to do something to make myself feel better for once again downgrading the importance of getting this essay right. (I think that’s a lost cause, though; that’s why I’ve stopped trying. Now I just want to hand it in.) At least I’m fully prepared for an all-nighter if need be (and I’m sure it’ll be necessary).

But that’s not the main issue today. I want to say something about the rallies that were arranged today to support filming of The Hobbit in New Zealand. I arrived in Civic Square about an hour early to secure a good spot, watching the people from Weta set up loudspeakers and TV screens etc. I had fun trying to recognise people, however it wasn’t until Gino Acevedo turned up that my heart skipped a beat; he works for Weta as a prosthetics supervisor and did a lot of the special effects on the LotR trilogy, and even got a cameo in The Return of the King as a pirate (on the right in the photo below). It was exhilarating seeing him in real life, after seeing him so many times on the behind-the-scenes footage from the extended versions of the LotR trilogy.

The second arrow points to Sir Richard Taylor; he runs Weta Workshop with his wife Tanya and is the creative supervisor. The biggest moment for me today was seeing him, as he talked to the crowd several times, reading a statement from Peter Jackson himself, as well as sharing some anecdotes from the production of The Lord of the Rings, making everyone laugh. Man, I love these people. Liz Mullane, the casting director on the Rings trilogy also spoke to the crowd, and shared a few of her own stories from behind the scenes, to highlight the way NZ pulled together to get the LotR trilogy made, and how they sometimes hit a few bumps along the way…

My heart swelled with pride and affection at seeing how much people in NZ care about their film industry. It was something special to hear stories from the making of the LotR from the people who were involved in it, even though it happened almost 10 years ago. It still means so much to them, and judging by the response their stories received, it still means just as much to everyone else.

After the last person had said their piece (there were several speakers, including the mayor of Wellington, several Weta workers and a couple of filmmakers), people released colourful balloons that had been handed out by the people who arranged the rally, and everyone was in a really cheerful mood. I very much wanted to say something to Richard Taylor, but didn’t know what, so I just went over to where he was standing, and snapped a couple of photos before I left…

For more photos from the rally, go to http://picasaweb.google.com/randikleppe90/HobbitRallyInWellington25101002?feat=directlink

Only bummer of the day was that I brought my video camera, thinking that it was fully charged, only to discover as I began filming that I had less than 10 minutes of battery life left… So I got about half of the mayor’s speech, and none of Taylor’s, Mullane’s and Acevedo’s anecdotes from the Rings days. Sad face. But at least I got to hear it in person, and to me, that beats nearly everything. Almost as good as being there myself (the filming of the LotR, that is).

Now I really need to finish the essay. All of a sudden it’s nearly 6pm. And I still don’t feel a panic attack coming on. How weird.

Hard at Work (Yeah, Right)

 

I’m still procrastinating. I’m a little pleased that I’m able to find other ways (besides Facebook) of procrastinating, though. I just tried this whole ‘enter-your-name-and-let-me-tell-you-everything-about-you’ thing, just for fun, and then I nearly choked on my wine when I read the result. It’s like reading my own thoughts out loud! Here’s what I got:

(leaving out my name for privacy reasons)

There are 30 letters in your name.
Those 30 letters total to 146
There are 10 vowels and 20 consonants in your name.
What your first name means:

Norse
Female
Lovely goddess.

Your number is: 11

The characteristics of #11 are: High spiritual plane, intuitive, illumination, idealist, a dreamer.

The expression or destiny for #11:
Your Expression number is 11. The number 11 is the first of the master numbers. It is associated with idealistic concepts and rather spiritual issues. Accordingly, it is a number with potentials that are somewhat more difficult to live up to. You have the capacity to be inspirational, and the ability to lead merely by your own example. An inborn inner strength and awareness can make you an excellent teacher, social worker, philosopher, or advisor. No matter what area of work you pursue, you are very aware and sensitive to the highest sense of your environment. Your intuition is very strong; in fact, many psychic people and those involved in occult studies have the number 11 expression. You possess a good mind with keen analytical ability. Because of this you can probably succeed in most lines of work, however, you will do better and be happier outside of the business world. Oddly enough, even here you generally succeed, owing to your often original and unusual approach. Nonetheless, you are more content working with your ideals, rather than dollars and cents.

The positive aspect of the number 11 expression is an always idealistic attitude. Your thinking is long term, and you are able to grasp the far-reaching effects of actions and plans. You are disappointed by the shortsighted views of many of your contemporaries. You are deeply concerned and supportive of art, music, or of beauty in any form.

The negative attitudes associated with the number 11 expression include a continuous sense of nervous tension; you may be too sensitive and temperamental. You tend to dream a lot and may be more of a dreamer than a doer. Fantasy and reality sometimes become intermingled and you are sometimes very impractical. You tend to want to spread the illumination of your knowledge to others irrespective of their desire or need.

Your Soul Urge number is: 5

A Soul Urge number of 5 means:
The 5 soul urge or motivation would like to follow a life of freedom, excitement, adventure and unexpected happening. The idea of travel and freedom to roam intrigues you. You are very much the adventurer at heart. Not particularly concerned about your future or about getting ahead, you can seem superficial and unmotivated.

In a positive sense, the energies of the number 5 make you very adaptable and versatile. You have a natural resourcefulness and enthusiasm that may mark you as a progressive with a good mind and active imagination. You seem to have a natural inclination to be a pace-setter. You are attracted to the unusual and the fast paced.

You may be overly restless and impatient at times. You may dislike the routine work that you are engaged in, and tend to jump from activity to activity, without ever finishing anything. You may have difficulty with responsibility. You don't want to be tied down to a relationship, and it may be hard to commit to one person.

---

http://www.paulsadowski.org/Numbers.asp – the website, if you want to have a go. Seriously, I’m a little freaked out now. But also pleased that my parents clearly gave me my right name.

 

On a side note, I have pretty much finished my film essay. At least I’ve finally cracked the 3,000 words mark – I’m now over the maximum limit, in fact. But I’ll do some pruning today and tomorrow. It’s easier to cut back on words than it is to conjure up new sentences…

Something I’m really looking forward to tomorrow though is going to the rally to support filming of The Hobbit in New Zealand. Hoping to catch a glimpse of some of them Weta people…

I thought I just heard some fireworks go off down the road. Hmm, am I hearing things? Too much wine, perhaps.

A Simple Life

 

Disclaimer: This has absolutely NOTHING to do with Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie.

At 8pm last night I deactivated my Facebook account. As the final moment drew closer, I was in anguish. Have you heard about the scene in the new film 127 Hours by Danny Boyle (out in November 2010), based on the true story of Aron Ralston, where the mountaineer’s arm gets stuck under a boulder, and he cuts it off to save his life? Yeah, that’s how I felt as the time to click the ‘deactivate’ button approached, and I realised that it was going to be a relief to get it over with. Especially because I was silly enough to let the tension build up for a good 36 hours beforehand. I took a long, hard look at myself then, and saw how pathetic it was of me to feel so connected to a website. It shouldn’t control my life, yet it does. Or, no, it did. At 8pm I vanished from Facebook, and at that very instant I felt more free than I have done in years.

Originally the plan was to get straight into my final film essay once I’d abandoned Facebook, but then one of my friends offered to come round to my place to watch a movie, and of course I felt like I deserved that, so I agreed. Funnily enough, we ended up watching Into the Wild (one of my favourite movies). So if I’d been feeling a bit sad about amputating a good 50% of my online presence, that feeling changed over the course of the evening, into that of shame; shame at thinking that what I’d done was something extraordinary, when this guy, Christopher McCandless, aka Alexander Supertramp, gave up everything to live a more simple life. Every time I watch that movie I feel so inspired to go and do the same thing; just give away my money, burn my ID papers, strap on some good tramping boots and a backpack and just go for it. I’ve always had a desire in me, deep down, to do just that, and watching that movie brings those feelings to the surface, making me want to leave on the spot. I’m not the biggest fan of society, I’ll tell you that. To quote the amazing Lord Byron: “I only go out to get me a fresh appetite for being alone.”

Of course, today I was expecting to be madly wanting to check my Facebook profile, but so far whenever the thought even just pops into my head I think about all the things I want to achieve in the near future (especially passing my exams, which demands a fair bit of studying beforehand on my part), and the knowledge that Facebook would distract me from achieving those goals makes me a little furious and strengthens my determination to place all thought of Facebook in a tiny, dark space at the back of my mind and throw away the key. (Wow. Long sentence.) The only thing I’m struggling with is finding other ways to procrastinate when I need 5 minutes to consider what more I’m going to say in my essay. So, as you can see, the lack of Facebook is doing me nothing but good.

Being Saturday, I also have a wine glass and a bottle of wine (Chardonnay, today) standing next to my laptop, on call to be opened after 5pm (I’m practicing self-control – so far this week I have failed miserably every day). Not that there’s anything wrong with drinking – to quote my man Lord Byron again: “Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.” (My only concern is the cost of it.) Also, to justify writing essays under the influence of alcohol, here are a few well-chosen words, from the great Ernest Hemingway: "Write drunk; edit sober." Wise man.

I must say I really am enjoying the Facebook-free day I’ve had so far. It’s forcing me to look elsewhere when I want something “fun” to do, thus causing me to think creatively once more. And lo and behold, there’s another blog entry being written. Not to mention that I’ve written a lot more on my essay. Feeling just a little cut off from the rest of the world feels, in a single word, great.

“There is a pleasure in the pathless woods;
There is a rapture on the lonely shore;
There is society where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar;
I love not man the less, but Nature more…”

- Lord Byron

The clarity of seeing

 

Lately I’ve been doing a bit of soul-searching. And boy, have the epiphanies come falling at me like sweet, sweet rain after months of draught. This came about as a result of me feeling a bit lonely and ‘superfluous’, if you like. I wanted affection, unconstrained, of the kind reserved for that one special person. Or so I thought. After fooling myself with these thoughts for some time, I suddenly realised that I was wrong. Wanting something like that – that’s not me. That’s who society tells me I should be. Me – I want freedom; to chase across those green pastures, wind in my hair, a smile on my face. No sorrows, no worries, no attachments – just an abundance of life.

I realised that the only person whose company I will ever truly treasure is my own, and now is most likely the best time for me to enjoy that. I’m not saying that I will necessarily change as I grow older, but let’s face it; the possibility exists that somebody, someday, might want to constrain my freedom and have my wild personality around at all times. So I really ought to make the most out of this opportunity to be utterly selfish and do only what I think will be good for me, and not have to worry about the effects my actions can have on people that are close to me. Because there won’t be any. And this is what I want.

I discovered that I can have whatever I want. The snobbishness of that sentence is likely to make everyone who reads it reel backwards and call me a haughty bitch, but that’s okay. Nothing comes for free, and I put every ounce of effort I’ve got into achieving my goals. No one has ever been allowed to tell me what I can or can’t do; only I get to do that. And I say, reach for the stars, but bring a big fucking ladder if you want to entertain even the slightest hope of getting there. I think the fact that I’ve only ever really had myself to think about is what has led me this far, and that’s exactly what’s going to take me even further. I don’t want to share my life with anyone else, I’m too preoccupied at the moment; chasing after the arrows I shoot in front of me. Sure, I might get sidetracked from time to time, but I’m mainly on a steady course, and I know what I want.

Another thing that came to me is that the reason why I’m still in this position where it’s just me, living in my own world free of boundaries, possibly stems from the fact that despite me thinking that I wanted to be with someone, and have been searching for that right person, deep down I knew that it wasn’t what I really wanted, so it never happened. I believe in fate, and I find it fascinating how people just seem to appear in my life at times when I need them the most, change my life in some way, and then just as often disappear again. It’s funny, I always thought people exploited me – now that I think about it, maybe I’m the one exploiting other people. I should fit straight in with the people in the film industry, then.

Opting out

 

A couple of days ago I was asked by the editor of the local newspaper in my home town back in Norway to participate as a blogger on their new website due to be launched in a couple of weeks’ time, and I’m absolutely thrilled to say that I agreed to do it. I’m not yet sure exactly what it involves, all I know is that I’ll be sharing the task with 7 other people, each posting once every 8 weeks. Another blog to maintain, excellent. That ought to get my creative juices flowing.

Speaking of, I have a theory that Facebook kills my creativity. Lately I’ve been trying to study for my exams, so naturally I have spent a good 18 hours every day procrastinating on Facebook. And in less than two weeks my exams will be over, so I’ll go back to spending on average 8-10 hours a day on Facebook again. This has got to stop. So today I made an executive decision to deactivate my Facebook account for an uncertain period of time – all I know is that I will not activate it again until after my exams are over. If I’m past the sweaty palms and fevered dreams stage due to my abstinence from Facebook at this point, I will consider extending my absence indefinitely, to see if this will increase my attention to various creative projects I have started but not made any progress on lately.

This desire to be creative (and thus, to do something to make it happen) has been greatly spurred on over the last few days by the drama surrounding the production of The Hobbit, with the latest reports saying that Warner Brothers have decided to move the production offshore. Apparently they want to shoot it in a studio in England, where they shot Harry Potter. I am simply outraged by this development. Ever since I first heard that The Hobbit was going to be made into a film I’ve had mixed feelings about it, because ever since I first read the book, I’ve wanted to be involved in the making of the film version (preferably I would be the one making it). So at first I was against Sir Peter Jackson directing it. Then they announced that Guillermo del Toro would be the director, and I decided that I’d rather have PJ direct to keep things consistent with the mood and feeling of the LotR trilogy. Then GDT dropped out, and the whole thing was stuck in limbo for a while. It hadn’t been greenlit, the studio was bankrupt, there was no director – the problems seemed to be neverending, and the film destined not to be made. Then, just as we heard words of progress, some Australian douchebag union decided to royally fuck things up. There was a boycott of the film, demonstrations, marches, secret meetings, press statements, verbal abuse, anxiety, still no green light – and all of a sudden came the press release from the studios that the film had been greenlit, PJ would direct, and shooting would commence in February 2011. But wait… There was nothing about where it would be shot.

The fight instantly on between a handful of countries all wanting not just a slice of the cake but the whole goddamn thing, The Hobbit seemed set to be pried from the shores of Aotearoa. Tax breaks, cheap labour, no Australian unions – England, Scotland, Canada and several Eastern European countries all put their offers on the table, and Warner Brothers took the bait. According to the newspapers today, representatives are coming down to New Zealand next week to arrange the moving of the production offshore. After all this time, New Zealand is set to lose one of the bound to be biggest franchises of the next decade.

One of the main reasons I decided to study in Wellington was that The Hobbit was supposed to be made in Wellington during my stay here (originally there were reports that shooting would commence in March this year, but we all know that never happened), and now that is no longer the case, and the long-term effects of this move is likely to more or less shut down the smaller film industry in Wellington, I see no future for me here. Maybe I should transfer to London? I hear they make some films over there…

Happy Birthday, Darling

We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much. <3

I would like to dedicate this blog entry to my best friend, who turns 20 today, on October 1. 3x HURRAH for her, she’s amazing! That’s her on the right, by the way. I hope she has the most amazing day of her life, and gets lots and lots of fun presents (hopefully she likes what I got for her) and eats too much yummy food (and drinks too much alcohol?).

I just want to let you know that I miss your company so much, and every time I find a new spot in Wellington or do something by myself, I wish that you were still here so that I could share those moments and experiences with you. You are an incredible person, and you mean so much to me!

Wishing you all the best for the coming year – and just keep in mind that if all goes according to plan, I’ll be seeing you again in approximately 9 months, which isn’t such an awfully long time after all.

Love and miss you,

xxx